Narrow-minded Side of A Judgement

10 Feb

There was a story of a group of friends. This group was actually consisted of many people, and every time they did something together, the members of this group could be anyone as long as they’re available. This group was a group of friendly people who welcomed for anyone to be their friend.

Commonly, when they were younger, they spent so many times together. They had meals, watched movie, sang in karaoke box, traveled, played, studied, been doing most of things together. But as the time passed, they’re getting busier one and each other with their own activities, so the time they spent together were becoming less and less and less. Until finally, it was so hard to get everyone together in one big group to do something together like the old times. So this big group was divided into some little groups, the groups with a small number members with the same likes and schedules so they could spend times with each other like their old big group would do. They became close with each other in these little groups, but still played with the others from another groups, which actually were the other little groups from the old big group, but only with a more less time and just seldom. Even though, the dividing of the big group into many little groups didn’t make them becoming not friends. They’re still playing together sometimes.

People are grown up. Once we become adults, our priorities are increasing and becoming more specific. We by accident are forced to always make a choice in our life. So that’s what happened to these groups. Everyone have his or her own life. That’s why each and every group eventually is on their own way, walking the different lines. Every group is becoming a kind of “exclusive” in it’s own way, because they spend so much time with each other, and almost never spent time with another from different groups. But it’s not a big problem for everyone, we’re still friends although.

So the time is only just a little more for everyone before graduating the college time. Every little group spends more of its time intensely, becomes more exclusively day by day. Time is too short, they just want to spend a lot more sharing times with each other. Well, it’s so natural to be with close friends most of the times since in the beginning they’re close friends because of the comfort in each other. However, for some reason, one of this little group is judged as “the exclusive group” for their friendship. This little group is not a bunch of luxurious people, or arrogant people, or nearly genius people, or anything extraordinary, because when you say “exclusive” about something, it can be meant it’s too much of something when other’s not. But if that “something” was the time spending together with some close friends, wouldn’t it be unfair to judge something like that? So that’s why this little group feel disappointed with that judgement from their own friend in the old big group. They don’t understand why they can be judged like that when everyone does the same thing.

About the exclusively, well, this little group actually has a bigger size of members at certain times, but it’s all depends on the availability of each person. It’s just like a circle of friends with everyone in it with many intersections based on the schedule of availability. So in each time they want to do something but some just can’t make it, only the available ones go on with the plan, and most of the time, this little group’s members have same time of availability. The availability in this context means the same schedules, same interests, same affordability and easily reachable existences. In example, they could impulsively go somewhere together when they were accidentally in the same place at that moment, with the same mood for that thing, and the same leisure times, and no one would feel hurt if he or she didn’t join.

One of this group’s member is me. Sorry for the long post up there, I just don’t want to look like grumbling in this post. I just want to share my thoughts of this occurrence.

I, and my close friends, spent a lot of intensely times in this little group. I don’t know it’s we who are too impulsive or just love to be with each other. Well, done said that I didn’t always go with the same persons every day, I still went with other close friends and so did other persons in this little group. I just feel it’s so unfair to judge a friendship of someone like “too exclusive” when it indeed is his/her right to whom he/she feels comfortable, and when someone more out there doing a lot more “exclusive” life. What’s the point of insist a fake BFF’s friendship? Okay, I think it’s a little bit harsh phrase. I apologize for my words.

In my whole life, since I was in kindergarten, I played with anyone, and in my university life is the first time I face the situation where there are people who judge the friendship I have is too exclusive. It’s so unfair to make people feel bad with an unfair statement. I’m not angry, I’m currently feeling too much DISAPPOINTED instead of mad. Where does this narrow mind come from? What is so exclusive when a bunch of people spending time together doing nothing showing off but being happy together? Do we have to ask for everyone to go with us every time we want to go somewhere? Wouldn’t they feel annoyed too if someone they don’t usually go with is persistent to ask every single time? It’s just not in my logic, and someone just doesn’t simply feel ok with that.

What I want to say is, everyone has his/her own preferences. In this life, you can’t force everyone to become like you. Everyone has right to choose, and you just can’t simply tell someone what to feel. If someone feels uncomfortable to go with you, don’t insist, it’s inappropriate. If someone feels uncomfortable to go with someone else, don’t insist, it’s more inappropriate. If a bunch of people loves to be together and they’re accidentally become so intensely being together, it’s not their fault for being so close together. Don’t judge them “too exclusive”, especially when more of your friends do a lot more “exclusive” things. Just say if you want to join, but don’t judge them first if you’re not even in the same move with them. Friendship is not something you settle and control, it’s built by an honest feeling to be friends. And for once more I’ll say, you can’t tell someone what to feel.

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Posted by on February 10, 2012 in Just Saying, Life


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