When children are threatened at an emotional level they’re showing increases in negative symptoms such as depression, anxiety, aggression, hostility.
– Dr. Gordon Harold, researcher at Cardiff University in Cardiff, Wales –
In a family, quarrel amongst family member is a common thing. Children arguing their parents, siblings’ quarrel, parents dissent. Mostly the cause of the quarrel is a simple thing like miss communication or faux pas. Some maybe because of pressure in the family, adolescence rebellion, miss matched personality, miss understanding, etc. Many things can cause a quarrel in a family. Even though this is a common thing, still it brings bad damage for children. Especially parents quarrel.
When parents shouting at each other, slamming doors, throwing stuffs, and for the worst, hurting each other, children will know. They can hear through the wall, they can feel it. Children are powerless victims. In the beginning, they’ll afraid, knowing the other side of their parents. They’ll understand day by day, which their parents are angry. But a continuous fight makes the children not only be afraid of their parents, but also damaged inside little by little. Anxiety becomes an inevitable habit, because they know for sure if the quarrel will begin soon. Then the restlessness grows bigger and they start to escape from reality. They become ignorant, they don’t care anymore if their parents fighting. They try to find a distraction every time the slamming doors and the screaming start to be heard, like playing a loud music. They begin to reject the life they have and find a new world. Home runaway, rebellion, and in a worst case, fall for drugs or commit suicide.
Aggressive side like parents quarrel not only caused bad damages on kids, but also after they’re grown up. Parents mostly don’t recognize, even though the children remain silent every time they’re quarreling, their inside parts are eroded. For some kids, even though they’re tough enough to stand, there are moments when they just can’t stand. These continuously pressures would make children threatened at an emotional level. The parents wouldn’t know if their children are already in depression state. This depression state would make the children feel insecure, self-blaming, hard to trust in people, lost of faith. These are the things that mostly parents don’t realized of their calm-complaisant children.
Verbally or physically aggressive fights, the “silent treatment,” intense quarrels and arguments concerned with or involving the child are the worst for children. And all of them are ineffective fights.
The hardest thing as children to face parents quarrel are their feelings. Children love their parents, both of them. Seeing both of them fighting each other hurts the children. As the powerless party, their agonies are the worst. You know, when you love someone no matter what they do, you can always love them. Children’s love for parents is a blood-ship love. It might be less then what parents have for their children, but it still a great love that make them can’t hate their parents how cruel they may be hurt. It’s like there’s a little conscience whom persistent to vanish the hatred. This thing also the main source of the depression, the feeling of unable to choose.
Therefore, for the parents, think twice when you’re going to argue in front of your children. You might not realize the damage it causes to your children. That’s why I share it in here, how we, children, would feel for that. This is a little summary from my experience and observation as children. So, how’s yours?